Stories From a Single Mom…. Like Me.

walking alone
I recently had a chance to scroll through and read a few different  mommy blog sites. Didn’t realize that there were so MANY out there, and most of them are really good. They all have similar agendas; the obvious stuff like telling birth stories, giving advice for other women going through their pregnancy journeys, struggles of getting pregnant, miscarriages, raising children etc. All of the oldie but goodie favorite stories of how we all became moms. No matter how good, or bad, the writing was, most of them had the same themes which I found way too often when I was pregnant with my son. It was the “My husband and I were so happy when” or “My partner and I are learning so much in parenthood” theme. Everywhere I looked it was about the joys of being pregnant with a partner who loved and supported them. (Sidebar) Now I know some of you may choose to stop reading just above this sentence, because you’re probably making the assumption that I’m about to go down some dark and bitter path. NOT SO MUCH! Here’s the thing; we all didn’t get the happily ever after story we were hoping for when we found out we were pregnant. Some people lost a spouse. Some women had a husband or boyfriend leave them. Some women were in abusive, or life threatening situations. Some choose just to walk this path alone on purpose. No matter the case, we don’t all have the same pregnancy story, and that’s what makes parenting unique.

I knew, back when I was starting my blog, that my site was going to be a space for non-traditional parenting. A space where any type of mom or dad could come and feel safe, and wanted, welcomed, and at home. I do talk about solo motherhood, as that is my life; but I also talk about unifying families, as that is my goal.

This space which I’m exploring, was created solely to give a voice to those who typically are left in the dark. The solo or co-parents of the world. We all get lumped into these stereotypical categories, and are told that it’s our fault, or that something is wrong with us for being alone and raising children, and therefore we don’t get to talk about what we want our need in our lives as we navigate parenting alone. I guess I realized after seeing all of the bubbly, funny, and cute mommy blog pages, that they weren’t right for me; and that maybe there are other parents that it won’t be right for them either. That’s why I wanted to create a bit of diversity in this world of mommy/parenting blogs.

It’s Okay that We’re Different

While I was pregnant, I was depressed most of the time. I was miles away from family, and didn’t have many friends. On top of all of that, my son’s father left me alone to figure everything out. All I wanted was a community of people who understood my journey, or could at the very least walk through it with me. Yet all the social media outlets that were promoted for parents, were targeting couples. Every single day that I looked at the apps, or websites, or went to doctors appointments, I sank further and further into a hole. I was sad, and lonely and couldn’t figure out why the “single and pregnant” mothers, had to go use a special group in order to connect. It often times felt like we were being pushed into a corner and told sit over there and be quiet, don’t make the rest of us feel uncomfortable because you’re alone (side eye and shade). So I started writing. I wrote letters to my son’s father, and never sent most of them. I wrote letters to my future baby. I wrote inspirational messages to myself, trying to give me hope for what tomorrow was going to bring. I was on the brink of one of the most eye-opening times of my life, and I didn’t even know it. It was in this space that it dawned on me, that I wasn’t the only one. Our stories are common, but they are the unspoken ghost of love stories past. While I was pregnant, my mother once said to me in one of my woe is me fits…. “How do you think Mary, the mother of Jesus felt? How do you think women in foreign countries feel whose men leave them alone and pregnant? Don’t think that you’re the first woman to go through this type of hurt, and nor will you be the last.”
Don’t worry, she wasn’t comparing me to the mother of Christ, other than in the sense that Mary was ridiculed and chastised while she was pregnant by someone other than her husband. She was saying, women have been birthing babies alone for thousands of years. I was not special, even though I am special. I knew that my story was, and is, going to be a story of hope for millions of people around the world going through parenthood alone. I’m here specifically to be an aide to those facing challenges in parenting while in a difficult relationship, or looking for the next relationship. I am the change I want to see. My moral code says that I should be the voice for the voiceless mothers and fathers who want to be able to express theirs.
So after I looked through all the pages that were all rainbows and butterflies, I remembered that outside the resorts of life, the real communities sometimes look like shit. Sometimes it’s in the messy situations that we find beautiful gardens. Therefore, if you’re looking for a place where you will be welcomed, you will be understood and not pitied or judged; then look no further. We are family. I see you, I hear you, and I am you.
-So Be the BEST Version of You!-

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